This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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