He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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