True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
