dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
