Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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