um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
