so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
