Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
