Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
