please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
