i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
