the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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