I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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