I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
