saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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