I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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