Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
