my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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