please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
