oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
