I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
