Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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