I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
