You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
