I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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