we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
