Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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