There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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