i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
