i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
