You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
