Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
