The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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