the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize