U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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