And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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