I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
