On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Blood and glitter go together right?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
