is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
