How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I will be naked everywhere
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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