Dual....:-)
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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