i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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