i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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