I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Duck Duck Cougar?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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