Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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