this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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