that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
