I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
