What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
