I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
