I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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