I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
