just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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