Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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