phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
