We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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