obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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