it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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