No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
