I'm going to jail i love you
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
