Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
