I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
they need to just BURY HIM!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
