let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
