Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
